I Will Remember You
by flashpenguin
Summary: The last thoughts of Joss Carter before dying in John Reese's arms. ***Warning! Character death!*** COMPLETE!


_I was thinking the other night at work about the last thoughts that would be going thru Joss's mind as she lay dying. Many books have been written about what people see and hear as the end draws near. I would like to think that she would be replaying all the moments she had with John, though her last thoughts would be about Taylor (anyone who says otherwise has never been a parent) and her mom. I know that the conversations are not dead on for what was said in the show, but by law I cannot fully transcribe them without violating copyright laws. So forgive me for paraphrasing. I know that you will understand. _

_Song prompt:__** "I Will Remember You" by Amy Grant. **__When I heard this song, this morning, there was a line that stuck out: "See that I don't want to say good-bye. Our love is frozen in time; I'll be your champion, and you will be mine." And just like that, the story seemed to flow._

* * *

**I Will Remember You**

"_NO! NOT TONIGHT!"_

Joss Carter barely remembered screaming the words as she reached for her service weapon. A second later, it was over and she was lying on the ground.

She tried to gather her thoughts. _Where am I?_ she asked herself. Pain shot thru her as she tried to move. _Where's John?_ She reached for him but came up short. Where was he? She tried to say his name, but the darkness claimed her.

"_You didn't give us a name."_

"_Seems the only time you need a name now is if you're in trouble. So…am I in trouble?"_

"_Mom, that guy you sent. He's kind of a bad ass."_

"_He knows it too."_

"_I thought about getting you a 'I'm sorry I got you shot' card, but they were all out."_

It dawned on her that she was lying on the cold, hard sidewalk, and something warm and wet was running down her stomach and back. Was she bleeding?

"_I don't know who to trust anymore."_

"_The basis of any healthy relationship begins with trust."_

"_You can trust me."_

"_I thought we were working together."_

"_You're stopping the shooter, and I'm making sure the cheating boyfriend doesn't get hurt."_

"_I can't let you just execute people!"_

"_There are things you can do, Detective, and things you can't. That's where I come in."_

She tried to reach for John, but her arms wouldn't move. Simmons had ambushed them. He had shot John. She had to find John...

"_It's good to know you keep your promises."_

"_You should quit."_

"_We got each other."_

"_Who's got your back, Mom? Who's got your back, Mom? Who's got your back?"_

Taylor!

Joss tried to pull herself up. Where was her son? Where was Taylor? She had to find him! She fell back to the ground in pain. Tears filled her eyes. She needed to find her son!

"Joss! Joss!" She barely heard her name being called.

Suddenly strong arms were around her. John had found her! She tried to say something, but the pain in her abdomen was overwhelming her senses. She didn't want to die alone.

"_It's a long war, and you are all alone."_

"_I know you'll arrest me if you get the chance. But whether you know it or not, you're not alone, Joss."_

"I'm here," Reese's voice seemed to come from so far away that she barely heard it. Frantically she clung to his arms. She was scared. She didn't want to die. Not here. Not now.

"_When your time is up, it's up."_

No, God, she pleaded silently, I didn't mean it. Don't let me die. Not on the street shot like a dog. Oh God, why does it hurt? I want my mom, she prayed.

"_Have you ever been in love? Are you living with anyone?"_

"_Are you interested?"_

"_Was any of what you told me true?"_

"_I've seen enough of those bomb vests in Iraq. I can help."_

"_Think of your son."_

"_John…"_

"_Because you'd do the very same thing. Get her out of here, Lionel."_

"_Thought I'd return this."_

"_If things get serious between you and Beecher, we'll tune out."_

"_You've got impeccable timing."_

Conversations of past came rushing back so fast she couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. Then she felt him wipe the tears from her cheeks. He was real.

"_Thank you for saving my life."_

"_You're welcome."_

"I'm here," John's voice was comforting her. But her thoughts were elsewhere.

"I need to see my boy." Joss tried to get up, but she fell back against John. Why weren't her legs working?

"And you will," he promised her. But he didn't understand that her time was up. She needed to make amends. She needed to tie up the loose ends and make right all of the wrongs. She wanted to tell him that she had been wrong about him. She had been so wrong. Why hadn't she seen him for the hero he was before it was too late?

"_Sooner or later an innocent person is going to die."_

She wanted to tell him that she was sorry for believing in the wrong people.

"_He's a good man, Donnelly. He does good things!"_

"_God! Is that what he told you? What was your price?"_

The price had been that she had fallen in love with the man in the suit. She had lost her heart when John risked everything to bring her son back to her. Or maybe it had been before then. God, she wished she could tell him. But he wouldn't believe her. _I love you_ before dying was trite and the cruelest thing she could do to him.

He was telling her to hold on. She could see his feelings for her in his blue eyes. She wanted to reach up and touch him. Maybe just one more kiss. But she was too cold and weak. She could barely breathe.

"_He brought me to you. You changed me, Joss."_

She was so tired. But she felt so safe.

"_You saved me, Joss."_

She knew him better than he knew himself. She had seen him go from a street bum without a care or a reason to live, to a man who had stolen her heart. He didn't know it, but he had saved her. He had changed her, too.

"_I would die, Joss, if anything happened to you."_

She had tried to save him from Simmons. Maybe if one of them could come thru this, HR could still be brought down. But she didn't want John to lose his soul. She had been right when she told Donnelly that John was a good man who saved people. She wasn't going to let all of that go to waste because she forgot to wear her vest.

"_If anything happens to you, John, I'll hate you forever."_

Tears ran down her cheeks. She didn't want to say good-bye, but she was never going to forget him. She would be waiting for him on the other side. But now she had to go.

"Don't let this change you," she whispered on her last breath. Then she closed her eyes and died.

"_If my number was up, I'm just glad I was with you."_

Me too, John. Me too.

_**The End**_


End file.
